A world that defies our desire for order

In 2024, just like in previous years, I read many books outside of our book club selections. Among them, the best book I read this year was Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller, which we read in our book club.

Lulu Miller, a science journalist with remarkable storytelling skills, surprised me. At first, I was hesitant to start the book, thinking it might be a difficult scientific novel. But once I began reading, I was amazed at how accessible and enjoyable it was. The story unfolds like a thriller, full of twists and turns that kept me engaged. Toward the end, it even felt like a romantic novel. What’s more surprising is that the characters in the book are real people. This book is a fascinating blend of genres—fiction, nonfiction, essay, science, history, mystery, gender issues, and social problems caused by eugenics. I read it as a philosophical reflection on life, exploring the relationship between chaos and order, belief and reality.

The book weaves together the author’s personal journey with the life of scientist David Starr Jordan. One memory that stands out is when the author, as a child, asked her father, “What is life?” and he replied, “It’s chaos.” That single word—chaos—could be considered the central theme of the book. She didn’t understand it back then, but as she grew older and faced disorder in her own life, she found deeper meaning in it.

At one point, after experiencing the painful loss of a partner she had been with for seven years, she was searching for something—some thread of hope to hold onto. That’s when she became interested in David Starr Jordan, a taxonomist who devoted his life to bringing order to the natural world. She read everything she could find about him, hoping that maybe he had discovered something about persistence or purpose—something she needed to know. She hoped that by understanding him, she might find a kind of salvation for her own life. But instead, through his failures, she came to realize how easily human-made systems of order can collapse. She learned that accepting chaos and finding meaning within it is more important than trying to force the world into rigid structures.

David Starr Jordan was a prominent 19th-century scientist and taxonomist who spent his life naming and categorizing fish. He was relentless in his efforts to create order in the natural world. However, much of his work was repeatedly destroyed—most notably during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake, which ruined his collection of specimens. Even then, he started again. To Miller, this relentless pursuit of order became symbolic of a deeper, almost delusional obsession. Jordan wasn’t just a scientist—he was also a leading figure in the eugenics movement. He believed in improving the human race through selective breeding, a view that led to harmful policies such as forced sterilizations. Through his story, the author warns us how easily science can be misused when driven by ideology.

Ultimately, the idea that “fish” exist turns out to be false. Modern taxonomy has shown that the concept of “fish” is too vague—some so-called fish are more closely related to cows than to each other. Many water-dwelling creatures that look like fish are more closely related to mammals than to each other. Nature doesn't follow the categories we try to impose on it. Jordan’s life shows the futility of trying to impose perfect order on the world. He tried to conquer chaos, but nature does not behave according to human expectations. Through his story, Miller urges us to accept chaos and live with flexibility. The world doesn’t bend to our categories—we must learn to live within the uncertainty.

When the author’s father said, “Life is chaos,” it wasn’t just a casual remark—it encapsulated the book’s message. Rather than insisting on control and order, we must recognize the unpredictability of life and learn to move forward despite it.

Jordan’s work was later found to be full of errors, and his advocacy for eugenics led to serious ethical consequences. This shows that science is not an absolute truth—it can evolve over time and even be misused. It teaches us not to blindly trust authority, but to always think critically and question what we’re told.

Here’s the personal lesson I took away from this book:

Even when life is confusing and everything seems to fall apart, we must still find meaning and move forward. Instead of clinging to the past like Jordan, we must accept change and face reality. We barely understand even the simplest things in this world. Once we give something a name, we stop truly seeing it. A good way to gain clarity is to admit that we don’t really know what we’re looking at—and stay awake to that fact at every moment.

People who are stressed or anxious often turn to obsessive collecting as a way to soothe their pain and reclaim control. At first, collecting can be exhilarating. But it can quickly turn into something destructive.

We must keep an open mind—the world may not be what we think it is. We should ask ourselves whether the moral and intellectual standards that society presents are truly valid. The “ladder of life” that Jordan believed in was a flawed, human-made illusion. It’s meaningless to impose strict categories and boundaries onto a chaotic world. Instead of rigid classification, let’s blur the lines and stay open to new experiences and people. That’s when life becomes deeper and richer.