Scarlet swamp

“Is this train going to Rome Terminal?” 

It was when I asked my husband while catching the last compartment of the train about to leave from Leonardo da Vinci airport in Italy. 

“Mom~” 

Suddenly, the younger son jumped up from the front seat and called me. I couldn't believe actually meeting a child in such a distant country in a few months! The son, who was studying for one semester in Florence, spent the holidays in Barcelona, Spain, and was on his way back to school. I was supposed to meet him in Venice four days later, and it was a surprise and a pleasure out of nowhere. 

“Mom, I lost my wallet.” 

“How come?” 

“The pickpocketed” 

"Well, lets go to the hotel and have lunch together. I will change it to Euro and give it to you." The child frowned on my smiling face. “I’m so tired, I just want to go to Florence.” Without saying anything about the child's firm way of speaking and expression, I gave the dollar in his hands and parted. 

Unlike a trip to Rome, where I had to look at a map and look for it, it was very comfortable to follow the guidance of a child I met in Venice. The child accepted every situation smoothly without bumping into it. 

“Isn't this wrong?” 

"Don't waste your energy on nothing!" 

In short, he acted cool. I felt a sense of distance as I watched the child's appearance different from that at home. 

“Mom, email me if you need me. Chao."

Upon returning to the Florence Hotel from the Venice tour, the son raised his hand to goodbye me and went to school. Suddenly, I felt frustrated as if I was trapped in an unfamiliar warehouse, and lost strength in my legs. The scarlet roofs under the sky wrapped by twilight spread out in front of I can see a wave. From the endless roof came a vivid scarlet color in my childhood eyes, as if the sorrow of life were whispering. 

Would I thought that living at a young age, seeing goldfish scattered around on the yellow floor, was like a goldfish panting out of water after losing a fish tank? 

It is remembered as the third grade in middle school, April. I have an older sister with a big age difference. It was the wedding day of her, who had just graduated from college. Two aunts, who I thought they had attended the wedding and went home, screamed as if breaking the door of the house. 

"Sister, sister." 

The mother, who had always been sick, had been up in bed, grooming herself, attending her eldest daughter's wedding and returning to her bed. 

"Get up, sister. This is not the time to lie down!" 

My two aunts were in a fuss to get my mom up and go somewhere with me. I didn't want to get involved in the affairs of the aunts. 

"From now on, you're the oldest daughter, so you have to take the lead. Follow me" 

Unlike my mother the two aunts are healthy and have a fiery temper. It was their pleasure to come to our house every day and live as if they would sacrifice their lives for my sick mother. Today, the aunts were even more excited as if they had caught even a big fish. But I was overwhelmed with anxiety that was different from the other day. 

The apartment complex I arrived by dragging my mom and pushing me wasn't very big. As I looked up at the dark gray apartment building, I felt as if I were facing a huge monster. The aunts pushed me on the back to press the bell from the apartment on the right side of the first building. “Do the lead.” “You have to ring the bell in every apartment. Until you find it.” 

My aunts alternately slapped me on the back. My feet didn't fall, so I hesitated and looked around to hide somewhere. 

"Remember you are the oldest daughter from now on. You have to take care of your sick mother." 

When I dragged my feet and stopped, my aunt pushed me, pushed me when I stopped, and urged me to press the apartment bell one by one. Perhaps unfortunately or fortunately, when I pressed the bell for the sixth apartment, a woman who looked thin and nice looked out carefully. "Who are you?" 

The moment I pull my head out to look inside the living room without saying anything 

"Who is it?" 

It was my father's voice. My father who love me is in a strange house! I was struck by lightning and became stiff. I hesitated and pulled back and looked at my aunts. 

"Here, right?" 

Two impatient aunts pushed me and glared at the woman, then opened the door and entered. My father got up. I stepped back. When my mother saw my father, she sat down in a nearby chair in resignation. 

"What are you?" 

Aunts pushed the woman. My father tried to tell me something and went out. I still can't believe myself, who had to stare at my father's back that hurried out the door. My monotonous childhood ended that day. 

Father's secret mistress was watching my mother's sense. 

"What are the third parties doing?" 

"Third party, you shut up." The younger aunt stepped up and snatched the woman's hair. The elder aunt rushed like a devil and started beating. Three women got tangled up. The woman, overwhelmed by her aunts, was pushed from the doorway to the living room. The furniture has been knocked down. Neighbors snooped by the door. I was standing curled up inside the doorpost. 

At the end of the entrance to the living room, a familiar painting was seen on a large rectangular fish tank. I approached it hesitantly. Not long ago, the watercolor painting that I won an award at an art competition was hanging as if it was waiting for me in a neat gold frame. This painting depicts a small wooden building located in the corner of Gyeongbokgung, not Gyeonghoeru or Hyangwonjeon. I wanted to draw because the faded red eaves and the old and shabby appearance of the red pillars under the gray roof. 

"Good. Good." “You are good at drawing the dark and humid, lonely atmosphere!” "Well done." "Let's keep that vibe in your canvas." "Take a Lesson from me." "Tell your father to come to school because there's something I wants to discuss." 

I remembered what the art teacher said about my painting. This is a painting that my father who returned after meeting the teacher took for the frame. But why this is in this house? My chest hurt as if a needle stabbed me. 

I looked at the fish tank under the painting as if nothing had happened, in case my mother would notice it. The goldfish were busy flapping their wings in scarlet tones. When the front two small wings were busily moved, the tail of the rear was swung bent, making the fish tank clambered with numerous scarlet lights. The goldfish also flapped their wings even faster, as if a different atmosphere than usual. The goldfish kept opening and closing their mouths like a fool that didn't know what happen like me who was dragged to a strange place. The two protruding black eyeballs rolled busy as if surprised by the fuss. 

"Uh, uh~ Aunt, there's a fish tank behind you." 

The elder aunt was pushed back by the resisting woman's force, and her body collapsed toward the fish tank. In an instant, the fish tank collapsed to the floor. GoldFish were swept out of the tank in an instant like a wave. The goldfish jumped with all might to live scattered under the feet of the three women, pieces of broken glass and furniture. "What am I supposed to do?" 

I ran to the kitchen. I came out with water in an empty bowl. One by one, I carefully picked up the goldfish that struggling to live, squeezing through the gap between the three women. The mother also raised her weak hand and pointed to the place where the goldfish were splashing. “Now stop.” “You will kill her.” 

Mom stopped the fight in a weak voice. The aunts didn't stop as if to vent one's anger against their husbands who are not loved. How many were there in all? I was wondering how many goldfish there were in all of them, but I couldn't ask the woman struggling under the aunts. My eyes were so eager to catch scarlet that I wandered around the apartment and looked under the furniture.

Holding a bowl of goldfish, I came out into the hallway of the apartment and leaned against the wall. The people watching the fight surrounded me and said a few words. I lowered my head into the bowl and took my eyes close to the goldfish. The surprised goldfish fussed like a scarlet red flame. 

"I heard the wife died! "What the hell!" "The wife is alive and well!" "I feel sorry for the poor child." 

One of the women who were watching the fight pushed people and dragged me to her apartment. My legs were exhausted and tired. I sank down on the sofa. I looked casually at the wall frame opposite the sofa. 'Even if life deceives you, do not be sad or angry. If you endure the sad day and endure it, you will be happy.' With a cup of juice in her hand, the woman came close and whispered 

"Poor child!" 

I didn't know where to put my gaze, so I took my eyes close to the goldfish. 

'One goldfish, two goldfish, three scarlet, four scarlet, five scarlet...’ 

I remember my childhood wandering in a dark scarlet swamp with a sense of urgency like a goldfish panting out of water after losing a fish tank in Florence, a distant country! 

“Chao, see you in New York.” 

Coolly, I sent an email to my son. During my trip to Florence and Cinque Terre, I no longer contacted or met my son. At dawn, I dragged my bag and headed for the airport. The sound of the wheel of the suitcase rang on the stone floor. My body trembled at the gruesome sound tearing the dawn. The red sun shone through the darkness and brightened up. On the side of the train line to Leonardo da Vinci Airport, the deep scarlet color of the dog poppies fluttered like poking my eye. The vivid scarlet stimulated me up in the ruins like the bloodstains of Caesar, who died while sprinkling blood on his fellow swords on the steps of the synagogue.